I sat around a table with the pastor, the responsible person for exhibitions and another member of the board of the friends association. The room was filled with the beautiful clutter that only a church can accumulate over the years. An old cross, odd paintings, various files, a coffee machine, thin layer of dust…
I love these semi-private spaces usually only frequented by the more active members of a community, hidden to the main congregation behind wooden doors, 150 years old.
My curiosity could not wander around the room for long; it was time to begin. To be honest, I am not sure of the sequence of events, I was nervous and things have already begin to blur.
I had prepared a presentation which was received positively, and we moved out into the main space of the church to talk about positioning. The original location I had envisaged for the paintings, up high between the columns, was no longer available, but I was given permission to place two works either side of the alter.
They would have to be free standing, as it would not be possible to drill into the rewly renovated walls. Selbstverständlich!
I left the meeting a bit giddy… since 2018 I had been sketching, thinking, developing ideas and honing my skills, never daring to believe I would have the chance to step into the same history as Dietrich Bonhoeffer!
The theme of these paintings is loss, loss of loved ones and also loss of hope in that which you thought might provide a way out. A moment of hopelessness… before the dawn breaks. They are intended for the darkest period of winter (one which Berlin is really good at!) between February and April.
It is my hope that people who are suffering, whether through their own recent loss, loss of hope in the face of world events, or simply due to the lack of light during that season, might find some solace in these paintings. That they are seen, that they are not alone.
Some of the sketches and preparitory paintings 2018 – 2024
To hear that the dream was coming true and I could share these works publicly and at very large scale blew my mind and it was only a few days later that I realised I had left two very important questions un asked.
- Would the church be able to help find space in which to paint these giants, at 4.2meters they are taller than my 2.9meter studio ceiling
- What kind of budget did the church have in mind?
So I sent an email and, by reply, the church regretted to inform me that “conceptually and financially, it is impossible for us to pay fees or cover material costs”. The issue of space was not mentioned.
I’d costed out the project fees and I’m looking at a materials cost of around 900€, plus transportation and no doubt other things I have forgotten! That is obviously not including my time. I’ll be working for a minimum of four hours a day from August – January, which works our to around 444 hours. The recommended hourly rate for artists in Berlin is 70€ (taxes are high here!) 444 hours × €70/hour = €31,080.
So… decision time…. do I commit to six months unpaid work and invest in the materials from my own pocket?
Zionskirche under renovation 2025/26
Of course I do! 😉
If you would like to help me realise this dream you can: